Not waiting until the New Year!

I LOVE feeling productive. I love wearing as many hats as possible and testing how many plates I can juggle at a time. And then one falls… In the last several weeks I had mentioned to Adam that I felt like I was in a groove. Life at home was blissful, work was balanced, I was exercising to clear my head space, eating to fuel my day, spending time with my tribe and intentionally connecting with my personal self growth. Then wham, the plate drops. I got a cold and realized I was burning the candle from both ends.

A friend/personal trainer as Recharge was sharing his training philosophy with me earlier this week. It’s called periodization. In essence, you have training phases consisting of various intensity levels. We were discussing how challenging it can be to stick with a routine. Life gets in the way, you get sick, family events arise, time is tight, the list goes on. We discussed the impact in this training model of being able to take breaks are intentionally scheduled in versus getting overwhelmed and implusively taking a break.

This got me thinking- as humans we know this. We often have a big picture in our head and trip over the pebble in the middle of the path that feels like a boulder. I started thinking how come we do not more frequently out smart ourselves. 

 My sister ordered what she thought were coloring books but turned out they were journals. She gave them to me, stating that she knows I will use them to journal. Eeck! While yes, I LOVE journaling, it was slipped off my daily, more like weekly, radar. 

Pre day light savings time Camden slept in until 8am or 9am. When morning routines would allow, I would use the quiet morning time to read my beloved self help books. I must regress... what is it about day light savings that has children wake up numerous hours earlier versus the one hour the time shifted?!? Needless to say morning reading sessions have been far and few between.

We joined a gym with daycare to ensure regardless of one another's schedules, Adam and I would both be able to go to the gym. Yet somehow I have not been going enough to gain the clarity of mind I love so much from exercising consistently. 

So here I am, recognizing that I could continue to push off the variables of life that make me feel my most grounded or choose to reconnect with the components that bring groundedness into my life. 

 How come we wait to make a shift when it is unbearable, there is a natural time (i.e. Monday, New Years, celebratory occasion)? Doesn’t self love need tending to at all times? Consistency is a critical variable and yet we allow ourselves to get derailed by various things. How do we follow through for ourselves as we would for a friend, spouse or child?

The beauty is there is no problem with dropping a metaphorical plate. We have to continue to push and challenge ourselves in order to expand our threshold and learn what our capacity is, since that is ever changing. 

 Our evolution of self is constant. How do we begin to shift our perspective from repair to fluidity? We are each responsible for managing our time. I do not minimize the fact that time is tight- come on universe create five more hours in the day!!! Until then, how do we deliberetely decide what plates to set down, not indefinetly but in order to really be able to show up for ourselves and those we care about?! 

Hello Fear!

An old tape that runs through my head is my fear of failing, fear of embarrassing myself, fear of not winning. Sounds limiting, right? 

I work to consciously rewrite that track, challenge my comfort zone and not be afraid of failing. This fall I decided, after watching Adam partake in cycle cross races the past couple falls, that it was time to give it a go myself! I reached out to some girlfriends who I thought might be interested because one way for me to squash fear is to be with my tribe. Unfortunately, no takers- at least for week one. I even surprised myself when I did not then feel tempted to bow out myself! 

After race one I was elated. Not because of any result but sheerly because of the way I felt. The euphoria that accompanies hard exertion and trying something new! I was hooked. I have had a girlfriend join the race and a handful of buddies (dude friends) have joined Adam!

During the last race I was quickly reminded of yet another reason I love athletics. I hopped on my bike, this time knowing some of the other gals from the previous weeks, I had folks to chat with at the start line and then off we went. While inhaling large quantities of dust there was an immediate sense of excitement in the crisp fall air. I took off harder than previous weeks with the intention to push myself harder. Then I dropped my chain... Drats- took the wind right out of my sails. A kind spectator offered to put it back on for me as I hopped off my bike (I've since had Adam teach me how to remedy this problem on my own in the future). Looks like I'm back in the game. Physically anyway... My mind however did not re-engaged in the race. My thoughts were soft and squashed by the thought of a challenge. I was feeling defeated and lacking a sense of empowerment. 

Hello self talk! Bring it back, bring it back, bring it back! I changed the story in my head. 

Lap two I made some movement. I pushed myself, I was breathing hard, I was tired yet energized. I went into lap three ready to give it my all. I felt like I was one with my bike. The turns came easier, the moon dust (Central Oregon powdery dirt) wasn't as intimidating, I was present to see the scenery and people around me when pop off went my chain, again. This time rather than passively getting off my bike and lucking out that somebody took the initiative to help, I aggressively ran my bike over to spectator and asked if they could please help me. He kindly did and I was able to finish the race! 

Here's the deal- these races are a low key Wednesday night ride/race at the athletic club. They get a good turn out but it's for fun. I allowed myself to get lost in that old story in the head (the fear of failure), events like this are opportunities to rewrite that story. Expand our self perception. Roll with the ups and downs. 

It's about learning how to put yourself in a position to learn and grow. To embrace new obstacles and lean into challenges. To notice the attached emotions, tend to them and continue- all in a moments time. 

Life is a journey. Athletic activities are a perfect way to break down that process in a short amount of time to confront fears, barriers and create a new experience that generates a new internal story. 

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