Have you ever thought; I should try that race, event, social, etc? That seems intriguing? I'd like to know that person? and then talked yourself out of it before you have even tried?
I'd like to say I've been aware of my inner dialogue for years. The truth be told, it is an area I daily invest an endless amount of time fine tuning. One of my favorite groups to lead utilizes this DBT (dialectical behavioral therapy) diagram and concept:
I draw it slightly differently. I draw a triangle with bidirectional arrows connecting thoughts, feelings and behaviors. Potato, potahto! :)
I LOVE this concept! I think I love leading this group because it is such a profound reminder for myself. I have control to change the cycle I am in at any moment. I can break the cycle by changing my thoughts, feelings or behavior and in turn the whole cycle will change- eliciting differing thoughts, emotions and actions.
Kind of confusing- here is a personal example: me signing up for a race- My thoughts are that I will not be good enough or fast enough- I feel shame and fear- I then do not sign up for a race. I sometimes surprise myself with the amount of baggage I carry around from college athletics, it is very challenging for me to release the emotional piece, how I am feeling, first. Therefore, making it more manageable to break this cycle, I either begin with my thoughts or my behavior. Before I even start training I sign up for multiple races (changing behavior). Pay my registration fees, gather a group of girl friends to do it with me and wa la! Excitement induced! My emotions are rooted in enthusiasm, eagerness, a little nervousness and joy! My internal dialogue begins to confirm that I am capable, this is going to be fun, I love doing events with friends. This is the space I want to be in. A place of gratitude, challenging my comfort zone, connecting with others and engaging in events that I love!
There is a great term, equifinality, and the premise behind it is that there are many ways to achieve the same results. Bingo! It doesn't matter if we choose to change our cycle by starting with our thoughts, feelings or behaviors. We will get the result of a new cycle/state of being regardless of where we start! We just have to start somewhere!
Notice the control you have over your state of being. What choices do you have to make? How can you create a life that you love living one step at a time by intentionally connecting with your thoughts, feelings and behaviors?